transition

 When I started writing a blog many years ago, I chose the name "fromtheothersideofseventy"

I had moved from my sixties into a new decade. 

Even when a friend who has specialized in medieval English informed me that the age of seventy had then indicated the beginning of "decrepitude".

I wasn't having any of it!

It's been a journey.

A business card from a few years ago shows that under my name was printed "artist.photographer"

I believe that the garden is another art creation with its patterns, design and colour.

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fromtheothertsideofseventy has been filled with much joy. 

It has been filled also with sadness as my dear and loving Brian left this earth nearly two years ago.

But I have experienced another transition.

I am now from the other side of eighty.

In October I turned 83 years old.

And last night, really for the first time, I realized that my life would not go on and on.

It was a WHAT! moment.

I felt as if I had been punched in the nose, hard!

I looked on-line and found, for women, 

Life Expectancy: 84.29 years (compared to 80.30 years for men). 
Health-Adjusted Life Expectancy (HALE): Women can expect about 67.7 years of that life in good health, meaning they spend their final years managing chronic conditions or health limitations. CTV News

I am not following CTV's time-frame as I am in good health. 

Yes, I have a massage every month to help my body along and physiotherapy when needed.

Yes, names of people and things more often elude me.

Yes, my balance can trick me and I've had a few falls.

My dining room table has piles of art material, and nearby is the art guillotine to cut paper as needed.

Downstairs are books and magazines with images I use in my collage and Letter Poem creations. 

But.... last night it occurred to me that I will not be on this earth indefinitely.

My wonderful grandkids will move forward in their lives without me sharing in their joys and accomplishments.

I won't be able to rejoice with my wonderful daughters as they experience happiness in their lives. 

Nor will I be able to support my family through sadness and difficult times.

How will I die? 

Who will miss me and smile when they remember something we did together?

And, where will I travel when my body is under the earth?

#1

I'm sitting outside on the deck, sheltered by a large rust-orange umbrella. 

My knee is sending messages, the brain telling me to take a pill for the pain I'm feeling, but I'm waiting to take it closer to the yoga class at 1 o'clock.

My growing collection of children's chairs in the studio have been moved, and are now peering out from under Costco work tables.

The floor has been washed twice.

There is now room for yoga mats.

I'm using one of J's mats with a long history, bought many years ago from Lululemon. Its only concession for its long life is that the colour is now a dirty-looking charcoal grey.

I'm struggling with an old and familiar feeling that I am responsible for the people I have invited to join me for this class. 

Responsible for their enjoyment or for their disappointment.

That is my job, I believe.

Strangely, I'm not worried about my own enjoyment.

A friend who has been working with me in the garden for about a month, gave me a brass #1 to keep where I see it every day.

The number sits in the bathroom near the sink.

He says it is to remind me to place myself as important, not near the end of a line- up.

How selfish, I mumble.

Still, it remains near my toothbrush.

 Can a brass number glare, I wonder.

I'm going inside now and I will move this shining number into my studio, before our first class.

To remind myself.

P.S. the class was great!

Gratitudes

It's 6:05 and I'm drinking my second cup of coffee.

I've been up since 5. 

It's been several weeks of both challenges and of gratitudes.

The injury from my recent fall has sent me to physiotherapy for both laser and hands-on treatment for my right knee and surrounding area.

This trauma has made me forgo doing so much of what I  count on to make my days joyful. 

I've had to curtail my daily walks to Willows Beach and surrounding area as well as doing almost nothing in the garden I love.

I don't look at the health app on my phone which seems to blame me for taking far fewer steps this week and this month than I have previously.

While I have been feeling discouraged and bordering on depression, my daughter Sat-Sung,  who lives in Israel, has asked me to join her in a daily practice.

Each day we message each other with 3 Gratitudes and 3 Wins.

While I was initially upset for having a poor sleep, my first Gratitude today is "the birds are singing in a nearby tree." 

While it is so difficult for me not to be in gardening gear when the spring garden explodes, Thursday's Gratitudes, all 3 of them, were "I met J and he knows and loves plants and he will work in my garden!"

The Wins have been harder for me to compose.

What qualifies as a Win, I wonder?

My daughter has explained that it doesn't need to be something BIG.

So today, my first Win is holding my loving cat, Oliver, in a warm hug.

And Win #2 is sharing my thoughts with whomever reads my blog entries.

                                                        the first poppy in my garden

It has been nearly four months since I last wrote a post. 

Today, for the first time, I want to!

My morning began at St Mary's Church where every Saturday the church is transformed into Churchmouse, a wonderful used book "store".  

More than the books, it is a place to sit and talk, or to sit quietly and just be present. 

Today, after choosing a few books, I sat at a round table that is  "home" to the knitters. These women gather to knit and to visit and later to sell their beautiful creations. The money goes to Churchmouse, to be donated to three organizations that happen to be on my personal donation list! 

The food bank at St John the Divine, Hospice and Threshold. 

One of the women offered me a cookie that she had baked to share.

Later in the morning, I had planned to do some gardening with the help of a wonderful new acquaintance.  

And then he texted that he wasn't able to come.

At first I was very disappointed, but soon moved on to see what I could do by myself on this beautiful warm and sunny day.

An aside...about 10 days ago I had been weeding in my small lane garden, crouching, as I can't kneel, and I fell backwards. 

 Really!! 

( I quickly looked to be sure that no one had seen this inglorious tumble!)

 It didn't seem like much, although several days later it warranted a visit to my physio.

Fall #2.

Going down the basement stairs, that injured side...knee/thigh...gave way with two steps remaining, and I fell onto the concrete basement floor. 

Another visit to my caring health practitioners!

And today, feeling so much better,  I said "to hell with it".

I worked/played in my garden for hours.

It was wonderful!

I've just put a bottle of Pinot Grigio into the freezer (with a timer set!)  and decided it is time for an extra strength Tylenol . 

I forgot to say that I've signed up to take a class "Feldenkrais Method Balance and Fear of Falling"at the Monterey Centre beginning May 25!