#1

I'm sitting outside on the deck, sheltered by a large rust-orange umbrella. 

My knee is sending messages, the brain telling me to take a pill for the pain I'm feeling, but I'm waiting to take it closer to the yoga class at 1 o'clock.

My growing collection of children's chairs in the studio have been moved, and are now peering out from under Costco work tables.

The floor has been washed twice.

There is now room for yoga mats.

I'm using one of J's mats with a long history, bought many years ago from Lululemon. Its only concession for its long life is that the colour is now a dirty-looking charcoal grey.

I'm struggling with an old and familiar feeling that I am responsible for the people I have invited to join me for this class. 

Responsible for their enjoyment or for their disappointment.

That is my job, I believe.

Strangely, I'm not worried about my own enjoyment.

A friend who has been working with me in the garden for about a month, gave me a brass #1 to keep where I see it every day.

The number sits in the bathroom near the sink.

He says it is to remind me to place myself as important, not near the end of a line- up.

How selfish, I mumble.

Still, it remains near my toothbrush.

 Can a brass number glare, I wonder.

I'm going inside now and I will move this shining number into my studio, before our first class.

To remind myself.

P.S. the class was great!

Gratitudes

It's 6:05 and I'm drinking my second cup of coffee.

I've been up since 5. 

It's been several weeks of both challenges and of gratitudes.

The injury from my recent fall has sent me to physiotherapy for both laser and hands-on treatment for my right knee and surrounding area.

This trauma has made me forgo doing so much of what I  count on to make my days joyful. 

I've had to curtail my daily walks to Willows Beach and surrounding area as well as doing almost nothing in the garden I love.

I don't look at the health app on my phone which seems to blame me for taking far fewer steps this week and this month than I have previously.

While I have been feeling discouraged and bordering on depression, my daughter Sat-Sung,  who lives in Israel, has asked me to join her in a daily practice.

Each day we message each other with 3 Gratitudes and 3 Wins.

While I was initially upset for having a poor sleep, my first Gratitude today is "the birds are singing in a nearby tree." 

While it is so difficult for me not to be in gardening gear when the spring garden explodes, Thursday's Gratitudes, all 3 of them, were "I met J and he knows and loves plants and he will work in my garden!"

The Wins have been harder for me to compose.

What qualifies as a Win, I wonder?

My daughter has explained that it doesn't need to be something BIG.

So today, my first Win is holding my loving cat, Oliver, in a warm hug.

And Win #2 is sharing my thoughts with whomever reads my blog entries.

                                                        the first poppy in my garden

It has been nearly four months since I last wrote a post. 

Today, for the first time, I want to!

My morning began at St Mary's Church where every Saturday the church is transformed into Churchmouse, a wonderful used book "store".  

More than the books, it is a place to sit and talk, or to sit quietly and just be present. 

Today, after choosing a few books, I sat at a round table that is  "home" to the knitters. These women gather to knit and to visit and later to sell their beautiful creations. The money goes to Churchmouse, to be donated to three organizations that happen to be on my personal donation list! 

The food bank at St John the Divine, Hospice and Threshold. 

One of the women offered me a cookie that she had baked to share.

Later in the morning, I had planned to do some gardening with the help of a wonderful new acquaintance.  

And then he texted that he wasn't able to come.

At first I was very disappointed, but soon moved on to see what I could do by myself on this beautiful warm and sunny day.

An aside...about 10 days ago I had been weeding in my small lane garden, crouching, as I can't kneel, and I fell backwards. 

 Really!! 

( I quickly looked to be sure that no one had seen this inglorious tumble!)

 It didn't seem like much, although several days later it warranted a visit to my physio.

Fall #2.

Going down the basement stairs, that injured side...knee/thigh...gave way with two steps remaining, and I fell onto the concrete basement floor. 

Another visit to my caring health practitioners!

And today, feeling so much better,  I said "to hell with it".

I worked/played in my garden for hours.

It was wonderful!

I've just put a bottle of Pinot Grigio into the freezer (with a timer set!)  and decided it is time for an extra strength Tylenol . 

I forgot to say that I've signed up to take a class "Feldenkrais Method Balance and Fear of Falling"at the Monterey Centre beginning May 25!