what are you saving that for?

 "What are you saving that for?"

I'm not sure where that refrain came from in my family, but it sounds familiar.

It seems an expression, a question, that I need to pay attention to.

I've been closing the living room blinds mid-day for as long as I remember, keeping a portion of the carpet from fading because of the sunlight. The back of our couch, with its beautiful pattern, has also been protected.

It was just yesterday, after years of caution, that I asked myself what the hell I was doing!

Would it matter if one bit of the carpet was faded?  

It is way too large for one daughter's home and I don't plan on shipping it to Israel, where my other daughter lives!

And, I'm not planning on selling it.

The refrain  "What are you saving that for?" almost screamed as I thought of the wonderful wines I had bought or the fine wines gifted to me over the years. 

They lie in a cabinet with wine glasses nearby.

My stomach feels a bit queasy, unsure if I have the courage to do this.  I mean, why is this such a big deal?!

What am I saving them for?

And once I'm at it, I'll move the special olive oil that I was given a few years ago from the back corner of a kitchen shelf 

and start using it.

(But maybe not for every day!)

I think also of my neighbour and friend who does special foldings with lovely paper napkins and often gifts some to us.

I save them.

For when? 

Tomorrow, when I open a wonderful bottle of wine, and dress a tomato salad with special olive oil, I will use a beautiful napkin.

I am worth it.

Absolutely!