stress

 I can tell I'm stressed when in two successive loads of laundry there is a rogue Kleenex.

I seem to be going going going and push myself even when exhausted.

I remember about 30 years ago, when we still lived in the Cowichan Valley, I took part in a three-day workshop in Arizona called The Possibility of Women.  

Along with a great many curves and ah ahas,  the issue of procrastination came up and many of the women in the group lit up in recognition.

Not me.  

I didn't put off doing, but rather I simply did things, never believing that it was a big deal. 

our property in Duncan

 When we bought two 25-pound boxes of beautiful organic peaches, of course I canned them. 

Likewise apricots, that I cooked to make amazing jam.

No big deal.

We had a 1,000 square-foot greenhouse where I started my 25 tomato plants and a half-dozen peppers from seed. 

I grew them on and planted them  out, then picked them to eat and to make salsas, sauce and quart jars of whole tomatoes.

No big deal.

The 20 or so basil plants that I grew, I converted into pesto or added to sauces.

No big deal. 

 

          on the lower left of the herb garden are two beds of basil

And all of this done while also having a herb business called Harvest Herbs, selling plants and several kinds of tinctures. 

During the women's workshop with some individual attention focused on me, I saw, for the first time, that I accomplished a huge amount but never considered its value.

 I was assigned to a coach and instructed to phone her every weekday morning for a month. During this five minute call,  I was tasked with telling her everything I had done the day before. All she said was "thank you" when my list was complete and the call was over.

During this month I became aware of what I did every day; the numerous things I had previously scuffed away. 

The "no big deal" surfaced less often.

Back in the "now" I see that I have slipped once again into disregarding my activities.

Working in the garden yesterday with a man similarly aged to my daughters, at the 2 1/2 -hour mark I thought "what the hell am I doing?" Still I continued for another 10 minutes.

This was after doing 2 loads of wash before 7:30 a.m. working on the series of collages I've been creating, taking the compost and garbage out, finding and printing out all of the emails relating to our upcoming heat pump installation and the information relating to the federal and provincial grants we applied for. And finally I phoned a plumber to set up an appointment. *

This was before gardening at noon! 

I am more than twice the age I was in Duncan when I took part in the women's workshop, and now I wonder why I am tired!

I'm going to attempt to reproduce those five-minute phone calls with a small notebook.  Five minutes at the end of the day listing what I have done. 

A notebook that may help me make some changes.

And that would be a Big Deal!

these are some of my new collages

*I forgot to add that I walked with a friend from 9:30 until 10:30 a.m.