thank you e.e.cummings

 okay.  here goes

I'm going to try and write a blog using only my right hand, so no capital letters, question marks or other keyboard clicks that need my left hand as well.

please insert them yourselves.

the reason for my single handedness is because of a fall i had monday morning at about 6 00 am

starting to make my bed, i stubbed my toe on at the metal corner of its frame, recoiling so dramatically from the pain that i lost my balance, landing hard and flat upon my left shoulder. 

i knew i had broken something.

somehow, i managed to go upstairs to wake brian, shaking his arm and indicating with sign language that he needed to put in his hearing aid and that he had to get up and take me to emergency for x-rays, right away 

and

all the while, cradling my left arm tight against by body.

once inside the emergency entrance of the royal jubilee, i was told to use sanitizer before checking in. near tears,  i said i couldn't.  she pointed to brian, asking him to help me, but quickly realized that even that wouldn't work 

and 

she motioned for me to come forward. 

after showing her my care card, i was told to take a seat in the room to my left.  i felt optimistic as there were only 2 other people seated there.

i was to learn that this was just room one

i'm not going to continue with the hospital saga because that's really not what this blog is about.

it is rather about how this painful proximal humerus fracture* has suddenly changed my day to day life

and

how alongside this pain there has been connection.

to set the scene, i am in a immobilizer that holds my shoulder and arm tight against my body, a cloth substitute for a cast, which would be impossible for the injured area. it's a bit like a tight sling.

 the doctor told me i'd be 'dressed' this way 24/7 for 5-7 weeks, only removing it to shower or bathe.

and

i've been wearing the same tee shirt since monday morning.

i'm writing these words and sentences to help me move forward while sitting very still.

i'll start with sleep 

and 

the necessity that i sit up for this essential segment of my life.

yes, to sit up throughout the night   ...exclamation mark... 

my daughter, hilary, ordered a wedge-shaped foam for me to lean against 

and 

i moved one of our couch's large pillows onto my bed to try out as well. 

pills -coffee- -breakfast -toilet paper -zara -her food and socks - each present their unique challenges.

jar lids are either off all together or loosened or, like this morning, brought upstairs to a sleeping husband to unscrew.

last night i was in tears when i saw how only 4 days of neglect had impacted my garden. 

tall plants leaning over, crowding their neighbours and the path, peonies not dead-headed, weeds on the march 

and 

precious potted plants dry and struggling.

and 

my art. 

scissors, glue sticks and a table covered with uneven layers of special papers and cut-out letters are now hidden under wraps. the small collaged blessing cards i had been creating still remain between heavy books to keep them flat.

and 

week-day fast-paced walks with my dear friend s, are cancelled. walks when we talk about our lives, present and past, and make-up stories about our futures, gradually becoming trusted guardians of each others deep and complicated selves.

on tuesday, without looking, i pulled one small card from a beautiful antique butter bowl which is in our hallway.  in this collection, each card has a single word written on one side 

and

they originate from findhorne, a foundation of 'transformative learning experiences' in scotland. 

the word i drew was 'communication'

and

that is what has been happening.

friends reaching out and asking what we need 

bringing delicious food

and 

my wonderful neighbor twice washing my hair

and her partner getting out of bed one night to figure out how to reassemble the immobilizer we had removed to cut away a scratchy label

and

a busy friend i hadn't seen in over 2 months has spent time with me twice this week

and

another drifting friendship has  become reconnected over the promise of a pot of soup

and

both my wonderful daughters have phoned me every day.

accepting what is being offered to me with love has been a humbling experience.

maybe i can step away from being invincible 

and

just be me

                                                     *a fracture occurring close to the shoulder joint