Do you get it?

"Do you get it?"          

"Do you get it?

"

"DO YOU GET IT!!!"

Another brain-flash, speeding-heart,

deep-breathing moment.

My friend and printing partner P left a message on my Facebook page yesterday 

commenting on the 3 photographs of magnolia flowers I had posted 

writing:

"Sublime! 

You are a fabulous gardener & photographer as we have all known!"

Breathe in breathe out.

It's embarrassing to read, really.

And the photographs were taken with my Apple 16 phone,

having given away my "real camera", 

which I most often used on the "auto" setting

because I felt unable and unwilling to learn the technical things that my camera could do. 

My response to compliments on my photographs has always been "I have a good eye",

often/usually said in a self-deprecating way.

And yesterday,  at a woman's group meeting, each person was asked what she does for self-care.

I responded "having a massage and working in the garden". 

The coordinator of the group looked at me, asking  "and what about your art?"

Oh yeah, right.

And what about writing my blog?

And what about picking a small bouquet of sweet peas every day to put on our dining room table? 

And giving a cluster of these scented beauties to neighbours and friends?

And finally, when Brian told me yesterday how beautiful our garden looks, I replied: 

 "There aren't very many interesting plants in the garden right now,

but rather just self-seeding poppies and nigella

and while they look great now, the August garden won't be very nice."

Geeez.....

Okay 

enough!

So

Today I get it 

Today I get it!

I mean I get it, period.

And the garden IS beautiful

And I capture its beauty in my photographs

caring

      I'm

 stressed -

 Period.

 Berry season is glorious.

 And, for me, it's doing, making and freezing berries and jam.

One of my favourites is what I call breakfast strawberries: several cups of berries cut in half and put into a big pot with only a couple of spoonfuls of sugar, and simmering just until the berries release their juice.  I write  "breakfast strawberries" on the recycle paper containers and then freeze them.

However, getting four flats of raspberries has made the joy of fresh berries questionable

Freezing them on multiple trays over two days, bagging them and filling containers, has taken a lot of work. 

Do I cancel my order marked in my day timer for Friday for a fifth flat? 

This isn't about "should" but rather about "will I?"

 Now that I am the sole driver,  I realize how much Brian has driven in past years. 

 To Michell's, to Tofino and to pick up corn.

 Taking me to the ballet and then picking me up afterwards.

This week, I see that our previous summertime doings need updating

 Okay, now the interesting part:

This morning I'm going to defrost the Outreach freezer in the basement of the synagogue.  

 This old freezer holds soups and meals made to be delivered to members of Congregation Emanu-El who need food support.

It looks like it hasn't been defrosted in several years.

I volunteered to do this and my friend M is coming with me to make this an interfaith endeavour

On Saturday, I'm going to delivery a huge pot of my chicken soup, filled with chicken, carrots, celery and barley, to someone returning home after surgery.

Me, who is tired of cooking for Brian and myself, finds time to cook for a woman I've never met!?

I would ask a friend who might do similar things: "hold on...what about you?” 

Self-care is a term being tossed around these days....It is defined in many different ways in the dozens of sites I visited.

"Self-care refers to anything that you do to keep yourself mentally, emotionally, physically socially and spiritually healthy. If you don't practice self-care regularly, you're risking your well-being and inviting burnout. "(Southern New Hampshire University) 

"Set goals and priorities. Decide what must get done now and what can wait. Learn to say “no” to new tasks if you start to feel like you’re taking on too much. Try to appreciate what you have accomplished at the end of the day. "(National Institute of Mental Health)  

The second explanation is the one I choose, and particularly the final sentence, which reminds me to appreciate what I have accomplished.

 I remind friends and family of what they have accomplished, but  I don’t do the same for me.

Rather, I remind myself of when I've messed up or lost my temper or had that extra glass of wine.

But I forget to smile remembering the lovely meal I created.

At noon, on our way home from the exhausting freezer job, M gave me a directive.  “Take no more jobs on. “ 

Hmmm... I just realized that "ON" reversed spells "NO”!

 I'm not sure where this sentence fits into this blog post, so it will sit alone:

 I recognize how not caring for myself affects others whom I care about!

 When I'm overtired,  I'm short tempered and my dear Brian gets the brunt of it. And it's not about him at all...it's about me.

                                 

                              Zara is in cat heaven now...she will be missed forever